For many people I work with in therapy, one of the most persistent struggles is the inability to move on from the past. Whether it’s a childhood wound, a betrayal in adulthood, or a period of loss or transition, unprocessed pain has a way of resurfacing. It shows up in anxiety, self-doubt, emotional reactivity, and relational conflict. Often, we believe time alone will heal us—but the truth is, time doesn’t heal what remains unexamined.
Healing the past begins by relating to it differently, understanding its impact, and creating space for something new to emerge.
Why the Past Keeps Pulling You Back
From a psychological perspective, our past experiences—especially those that were painful, disorienting, or unresolved—can become “frozen” in the nervous system. In Jungian terms, this might be called fixation—a looping pattern we revisit again and again. The Yoga Sutras describe this tendency as abhinivesha, the clinging to life rooted in fear or habit.
In therapy, we often call these emotional loops schemas or internal working models: the mental blueprints formed early in life that shape how we interpret relationships, safety, worthiness, and the world around us. When those early experiences involve trauma, abandonment, or unmet needs, the past stays loud—until it’s acknowledged and integrated.
Steps Toward Healing Your Past
Healing isn’t linear, and there’s no one-size-fits-all map, but here are five foundational steps that can support the process:
1. Awareness Without Judgment
The first step is becoming aware of the past experiences that are still shaping your present—and doing so without self-blame. You might ask:
- What memories feel “charged” when I think about them?
- Where do I feel stuck or reactive in my current life?
- What beliefs about myself originated from painful events?
2. Understand the Story You Carry
Our brains are wired for narrative. What story have you been telling yourself about what happened—and what it means about you? Is that story compassionate and complete, or harsh and self-limiting? Narrative Therapy and trauma-informed approaches can help rewrite these internal scripts with more clarity and empowerment.
3. Work With the Body
The body often remembers what the mind has tried to forget. Somatic therapy, breathwork, yoga, and grounding exercises can support nervous system regulation and help release trauma that lives in the body.
4. Seek Witnessing and Safe Support
We heal in relationship. Whether through therapy, a trusted mentor, or a support group, sharing your story with someone who can hold space for your pain—without trying to fix or minimize it—is essential.
5. Reclaim Agency in the Present
The goal of healing is not perfection—it’s freedom. As you do this work, you begin to respond to life from a place of choice, not from old survival strategies. This is where healing the past intersects with reclaiming your future.
The Healing Is in the Work
Healing your past isn’t a passive process—it takes intention, effort, and support. The pain won’t just fade with time; it softens when you actively engage with it. This means showing up for yourself again and again: through reflection, through practices that regulate your nervous system, through compassionate self-inquiry, and through the willingness to challenge old beliefs that no longer serve you. The work is what creates the change. And while it may feel difficult at times, it’s also where strength, clarity, and emotional freedom begin to grow.
Work With Me
As a licensed marriage and family therapist trained in trauma-informed care, Narrative Therapy, and somatic approaches, I help clients uncover and heal the roots of their emotional pain. I work with individuals, couples, and families in Indiana and Connecticut, and I also offer an online weekly coaching group—Your Therapy Rx—for those seeking guidance through life’s emotional hard times.
